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I Want to Share My Sympathy, but ... Isn't 'Shared Sympathy' CRUEL this Late?

Postby friendociate » 10 Feb 2023, 13:22

Green-brother John laments the passing of Dr. Paul Farmer (founder of Partners In Health) and is "devastated for his family" ... OVER ELEVEN MONTHS AGO

I mean---I understand that family will lament him 'forever' (if they're anything like my family, who still has "moments of silence" for all our dead relatives, even though they all had 'funerals' (which I thought were where we finally decide to be GLAD for our departeds' peaceful rest!)); but isn't everyone supposed to be past the 'devastation'?

    The 7 Stages of Grief (Kubler-Ross Model, modified to facilitate the grievers)
  1. Shock (added) - Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news.
  2. Denial - Trying to avoid the inevitable.
  3. Anger - Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.
  4. Bargaining - Seeking in vain for a way out.
  5. Depression - Final realization of the inevitable
  6. Testing (added) - Seeking realistic solutions.
  7. Acceptance - Finally finding the way forward.


The word "Grief" comes from a wordroot that means "Heavy" (as Grief is 'a Weight that feels Heavier (really because there's one-less person carrying the load :cry: ) but which builds you up and makes you able to help carry others' loads as well).

... the same wordroot as Grief GoodGrief Grievance Grievous Grieve Grieves Grieved Grieving Griever Grievers Grievously Grievousness

Recovering (endlessly) from my Traumatic Brain-Injury, I go through all the Grief-stages---almost 'on a loop.' Coming up against 'things I SHOULD be able to do' which I'm not able to because ... I'm still in 'Denial' about some of those things ... then I have to go through the Shock>>Denial>>Anger>>Bargaining>>Depression>>Testing>>Acceptance (or the way Childers-Woodgate Funeral Services puts it (below)) again!
Image


P.S. "The Doobley Doo" is what Hank & John Green (and all their fans & colleagues) call 'the description beneath the video ...
Feb 22, 2022
Support PIH's project in Sierra Leone: http://pih.org/hankandjohn
The Project for Awesome donation page goes live at midnight tonight: http://projectforawesome.com/donate
My conversation with Paul and Leslie Friday from November: https://youtu.be/V4gvZ5RdHso

In which John discusses the life and work of Partners in Health cofounder Dr. Paul Farmer, who has just died at the age of 62. Let's make him proud of us.


----
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Last edited by friendociate on 18 Mar 2023, 11:30, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: I Want to Share My Sympathy, but ... Isn't 'Shared Sympathy' CRUEL this Late?

Postby Viastra » 10 Feb 2023, 13:58

It is not so clear what your role is here. Are you
1) Critic wishing to avoid dealing with the absence of Dr. Farmer
2) Mourner who is still unable to accept - denial stage
3) Last man standing who wants us to join in and weep along
4) Survivor honoring the work and memory of Dr. Farmer
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Re: I Want to Share My Sympathy, but ... Isn't 'Shared Sympathy' CRUEL this Late?

Postby friendociate » 10 Feb 2023, 18:40

Viastra wrote:It is not so clear what your role is here. Are you
1) Critic wishing to avoid dealing with the absence of Dr. Farmer
2) Mourner who is still unable to accept - denial stage
3) Last man standing who wants us to join in and weep along
4) Survivor honoring the work and memory of Dr. Farmer

'My role here' is mostly just sharing other people's news.
  1. Dr. Farmer wasn't really "present" to my mind, so I'm not having any problem with his being "absent."
  2. Probably---I'm denying even being sure what you think I might be denying :wtf:
  3. more 'a fellow-survivor' (in the sense of 'being one who is still living after another is gone'---the way obituaries always say that the deceased is "survived by" their widow & children & grandchildren), and I guess I'm saying I want you to "weep along" for a moment, but
  4. I really want you to "honor his work & memory" by looking at his mission & seeing who picks it up to carry it to the future!
But about Denial---The word "Deny" comes from a wordroot that means "Negate Away." the same wordroot as Deny Denied Denying Denies Denial Denier Deniers Undeniable Undeniably
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