[mell678]

Paul was a photographer for the Baltimore Sun, and was scheduled to fly out on a plane to take some pictures. When he saw the runway he climbed into the first plane he saw that had a pilot, “Hit it,” he yelled. The pilot took off, and was soon in the air. “OK,” said Paul, “fly close to that building over there, I want to take a few pictures.” “What do you mean?” asked the pilot. Paul looked at the pilot and answered a little annoyed, “I need to take some pictures for the Baltimore Sun, so please…..” There was a long pause, before the pilot asked in a shaky voice, “you mean you’re not my pilot instructor?”

[makaleila]

God and the man

A man visits God and says "God, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?"
God says "No, ask me anything at all."
So the man says "God, you've been around for a very long time, so, for you, how long is a thousand years?"
God replies "For me, a thousand years is only five minutes."
The man then says "That's interesting God. And, for you, how much is a million dollars?"
God replies "For me, a million dollars is only five cents."
The man says "Really? Well then God, could you lend me five cents please?"
God looks at the man, smiles, and says "Of course my son. Just wait five minutes!"

[janube12]

When you feel you're like a worthless man/woman, When you feel like no one cares for you.. Then just eat, burp and give your best fart in front of them let's see if they won't react HAHA!

[ksridharprasad]

A Girl calls the Help Desk to complain a computer problem.
Girl: When I type computer password, it just shows star star star star. Whatz the joke?

Help Desk: Dear Mam, those stars are to protect you, so that if a person standing behind u, they can't read your password.

Girl: Yeah, but stars appear even when there is no one standing behind me

[vathsala]

Teacher: Which one is closer, Sun or Africa?
Johnny: Sun
Teacher: Why?
Johnny: We can see the sun all the time, but can’t see Africa.

[makaleila]

One completely drunk man stood under the Nelson's Column and poured off.
A bobby came up to him and said:
Excuse me, sir. But it's the Nelson's Column*...
I f*** your Nelson!
Excuse me, sir. But it's a public place...
I f*** your public!
Excuse me, sir. But the Queen has a promenade** here sometimes.
I f*** your queen!!!
Indeed?!
In bed!
Oh, I am sorry your majesty!

[vathsala]

What is the best thing which you can put into a Christmas cake?
Your teeth!

[makaleila]

Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.

[vathsala]

neighbour: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
neighbour: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.

[halcyon220]

neighbour: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
neighbour: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.

I'm sure us british will invent that one day

[ksridharprasad]

Semester Exam Results were announced in the college campus.
Naresh: Hey Suresh, Results are out, come we'll go & see

Suresh: I am sorry, I'm with my dad. U see mine & please message me.
If fail in one subject say "Good morning to U"
If 2 subjects then say "Good morning to u & ur dad"

After watching the results,

Naresh: Hi Suresh, Good morning to u & ur family & neighbors also

[makaleila]

A guy goes to the doctor and says, Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.
The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"
The guy says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."
The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!"

[makaleila]

3 FEELINGS
what is the diference b/w stress,tension & panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant
tension is when girlfriend is pregnant &
panic is when both r pregnant

[Masterminor]

Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only chemistry student on FC or NaBrO

[mell678]

A librarian said to a man asking for a thriller: 'I can recommend you this book. It is a hair-raising story.'
'No use to me,' said the reader, 'I'm bald-headed.'

[vathsala]

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

[Maryland]

I pee myself laughing at you guys!

[vathsala]

Santa: you cheated me
Shop keeper: No i sold a good radio to you
Santa : Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says, This is All India Radio

[27TechnoLP]

Going to the teacher, she told me a story, but i was thinking.... dafuq look at her boobies

[Patricia19xx]

God and the man

A man visits God and says "God, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?"
God says "No, ask me anything at all."
So the man says "God, you've been around for a very long time, so, for you, how long is a thousand years?"
God replies "For me, a thousand years is only five minutes."
The man then says "That's interesting God. And, for you, how much is a million dollars?"
God replies "For me, a million dollars is only five cents."
The man says "Really? Well then God, could you lend me five cents please?"
God looks at the man, smiles, and says "Of course my son. Just wait five minutes!"


The old lady

A policeman stops an elderly lady on the road for speeding:
Lady: Is there a problem officer?
Policeman: Madam, you were driving too fast!
L: Oh, I see.
P: Can I see your driver's license?
L: Well, I don't have one.
P: You don't!?
L: Yeah, I lost it for drunk driving 3 years ago.
P: I see, and can you pass me your vehicle registration papers, please?
L: I can't do that.
P: Why not?
L: I stole this car.
P: You stole it?
L: Yes, and I killed the owner and cut him into pieces...
P: You what?
L: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The officer looks at the woman and goes back to his car. He calls other police cars for help and back up. Within minutes five police cars circle the woman's car.
A senior officer slowly approaches the car:
"Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle, please?"
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Lady: Is there a problem, sir?
Officer: One of my officers told me that you stole this car and murdered the owner.
L: Murderer the owner?

O: Yes could you please open the trunk of your car?
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
O: Is this your car, ma'am?
L: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is puzzled.
O: One of my officers says that you don't have a driver's license.
The woman opens her purse, takes the license and gives it to the officer. He examines the license. He can't understand what's happening.
O: Thank, you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered the owner and made pieces of him.
L: I BET the liar told you that I was speeding too.