[makaleila]

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

[Coinlv]

Girl: "How much do you love me?"
Boy: "Look at the sky and count the stars."
Girl: "But, it's daytime..."
Boy: "Haha, exactly."

[ksridharprasad]

Four expectant fathers pace in a hospital waiting room while their wives are in labor.

The nurse enters and tells the first man, "Congratulations, you're the father of twins."
"What a coincidence," the man says. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team."


A little later, the nurse returns and tells the second man, "You are the father of triplets."
"That's really an incredible coincidence," he answers. "I work for the 3M Corporation."


An hour later, the nurse tells the third man that his wife has just given birth to quadruplets.
The man says, "I don't believe it! I work for the Four Seasons. What a coincidence."


After hearing this, everyone's attention turns to the fourth guy who has just fainted.
He slowly regains consciousness and whispers,

"I should have never taken that job at Millennium Computers."

[prometeheus]

Question: Why are hurricanes sometimes named after women?
Answer: When they come they’re wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

[seidutaufic]

Man tells his girl, you are the only mosquito in my bedroom, man asks, but you always apply the repellent. lol!

[ksridharprasad]

Five surgeons were talking about the best patients...

First surgeon says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered."

Second surgeon says, "Nah - Librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

Third surgeon responds, "Try Electricians, man! Everything inside them is color coded!"

Fourth surgeon intercedes," I prefer Lawyers.They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and butts are interchangeable."

To which the fifth surgeon, who has been quietly listening to the conversation, says,
"I like Engineers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end."

[prometeheus]

A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”

[vathsala]

Funny Joke
Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!"
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"
Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

[prometeheus]

Boy calls 911. Boy: Hello? I need your help!
911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what's your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.

[vathsala]

Interviewer: What is a skeleton ?
Candidate : A skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it.

[prometeheus]

Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window.
Teacher: who just threw that?!
Boy: Me! I’m going home now.

[ksridharprasad]

Three women and three men are traveling by train to a conference.

At the station, the three men each buy tickets and watch as the three women buy only a single ticket. ”How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks one of the guys. ”Watch and you’ll see,” answers a woman.

trainAll of them board the train. The men take their respective seats but all three women cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, “Ticket, please.” The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The men saw this and agreed it was a clever idea. So after the conference, the men decide to copy the women on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the women don’t buy a ticket at all.

”How are you going to travel without a ticket?” says one of the perplexed men.”Watch and you’ll see,” is the answer. When they board the train the three men cram into a restroom and the three women cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the women leaves her restroom and walks over to the restroom where the men are hiding. She knocks on the door and says in a low voice, “Ticket, please.”

[vathsala]

Santa driving on the wrong side of one way road
and he became upset
and said ohhh -- I think i am late to the function
all are coming back

[domondon1]

i have a joke also here it is

Maid: What do you want, sir?
Visitor: I want to see your master.
Maid: Whatís your business, please?
Visitor: There is a bill...
Maid: Ah! He left yesterday for his village...
Visitor: Which I have to pay him...
Maid: And he returned this morning.

[ksridharprasad]

Fred is 34 years old and he is still single.

One day, a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women that I have wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, why not find a girl who's just like your mother?"

Desperate man
A few months later, they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"

Sadly, Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."

[prometeheus]

One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt. The doctor askes her what had happened. She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I mistakanly picked up the iron instead of the phone. "Well that explains one ear, but what about the other." "The b****** called again"

[ksridharprasad]

Joke:Why are you crying

It is the middle of the night and Laura wakes up to find that her husband is out of bed. She dresses in her robe and goes downstairs to find him sitting in front of a turned off TV, holding a cup of coffee and looking into the distance, lost in some sad thought.

"What's the matter, honey?" she asks. "Why the heck are you down here at this hour?"

Her husband looks up at her. "Do you remember when we started dating, when you were just 17?"

"Sure." She answers, puzzled.

[prometeheus]

Husband takes the wife to a disco. There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down." Husband says: "Looks like he’s still f***ing celebrating!!"

[ksridharprasad]

Joke: The Lucky Swing and the Genie
A couple were golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million-dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball. Don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix!"

The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said "I told you to watch out for the houses! All right, let's go up there, apologise and see how much this is going to cost."

[vathsala]

A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.
A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.
B: I'm not. I'm her mother.