[ksridharprasad]

A guy asked a girl in a library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you"?

The girl answered with a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOUUU!!!"

All the students in the library stared at the guy and he was embarrassed.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and she told him
"I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed right?"

The guy responded with a loud voice: "$200 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!!!? THAT'S TOO MUCH!!!"

And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the guy whispered in her ears;
"I study Law and I know how to make someone feel guilty"

[Tanawan]

I have drunken deep of joy, And I will taste no other wine tonight.
Percy Bysshe Shelley

[ksridharprasad]

Joke: Next Floor, Please.
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have jobs and love kids.

"That's nice", she thinks, "but I want more."


So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:


Floor 3 - These men Have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

[Tanawan]

Q: What do you call two banana peels?
A: A pair of slippers.

[ksridharprasad]

Notice Anything Different? (Adult)
An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Wyoming, Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"

Margaret looked him over, "Nope."

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"

Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down tomorrow."

Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"

"Nope, Not a clue", she replied.

'IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!'

Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert,

Shoulda bought a hat..."

[Tanawan]

Q: Why did the mirror have holes in it?
A: A moron kept trying to shoot himself.

[vathsala]

In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

[Gayathri Ganesan]

One day I met money and said " you are just a piece of paper".

Money replied, " But I am a piece of paper who has never seen the dust bin"

[ksridharprasad]

A Husband and Wife are sitting quietly on the sofa reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the following question...

Wife: "What would you do if I died? would you get married again?"

Husband: "Definitely not!"

Wife: "Why not? don't you like being married?"

Husband: "Of course I do." old couple

Wife: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

Husband: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."

Wife: "You would?" (with a hurt look)

Husband: (makes audible groan)




Wife: "Would you live in our house?"

Husband: "Sure, it's a great house."

Wife: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

Husband: "Where else would we sleep?"

Wife: "Would you let her drive my car?"

Husband: "Probably, it is almost new."

Wife: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

Husband: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

Wife: "Would you give her my jewellery?"

Husband: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

Wife: "Would you take her golfing with you?”

Husband: "Yes, those are always good times."

Wife: "Would she use my clubs?”

Husband: "No, she's left-handed."

Long silence.....

Husband: "Damn."

[fab]

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer was quite taken a back, and requested collateral. "Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safekeeping, and gave him $5,000.

Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back.
The loan officer checked the records and told him, "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest."
The man wrote out a check, thanked the loan officer, and started to walk away. "Wait sir," the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow?"
The man smiled. "Where else could I securely park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"

[Tanawan]

Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit card.

[chikitta]

If you have a problem of remembering your password the best way to remember is by setting the word for forgotten as the password and your good to go.

[ksridharprasad]

Once upon a time there was a king who wanted to go fishing. He called the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days.
So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen.


On the way he met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the king the farmer said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace at once because in just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area".

The king was polite and considerate, he replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional, and I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him and I will continue on my way." So they did.

[Tanawan]

Q: What do you get when you cross a centipide with a parrot?
A: A walkie-talkie.

[Mihailo]

Police: Knock, knock, knock!
Guy: Who's that?
Police: Police, please open the door.
Guy: What do you want?
Police: We want just to talk to you.
Guy: How many of you are there?
Police: Two.
Guy: Then talk to each other.

[fab]

Three guys are sitting in a sauna: a Mexican, an Asian, and a white guy. The Mexican and white guy are showing off their new tech gadgets. The white guy says, "Hey, look what I got: the new Google Glass!" The Mexican & Asian say, "Wow, that's nice, man." Then the Mexican guy says, "Check out my new cellphone; it's a watch!" The white guy and Asian say, "Very cool, dude." The Asian guy has nothing to show these guys, so he gets up and walks away naked to to the bathroom. Then he comes back 5 minutes later from the bathroom still naked with paper hanging out of his butt crack. The Mexican and white guy say, "Hey, you have something hanging out of your ass." The Asian guy says, "Oh look, I'm receiving a Fax!"

[Tanawan]

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

[chikitta]

This is a baby having a conversation with his dad on the phone,
baby- dad dad
Dad- yes son
Son- sob sob sob
dad- what is it son, talk to me
son- hello dad your wife is still beating me i don't want to live with her any more....!

[fab]

Girl: "Girls are better than boys."
Boy: "Then why did God make boys first?"
Girl: "Duh, you have to have a rough draft before the final copy."

[Tanawan]

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"