[fab]

Three heavyweight men; an American, and an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building. The American jumped off and shouted "God save America!" The English man jumped off and shouted "God Save The Queen!" The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted "God save the person who I land on!''

[Tanawan]

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

[tomford]

one kid was talking to another and asked
"do you have many uncles?"
the other kid said "I have two uncle, why?"
and the kid said "well I have a lot of uncles that I've never met before, they usually visit mom when my dad is at work"

[Tanawan]

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

[vathsala]

little son to his mom:
son : Mummy, what is there inside your stomach ? Why it is so big?
Mom: Dear son, it is your kid sister
son: Do you like her ?
Mom: yes. very much
son: Then why did you eat her ?

[fab]

After 40 years of hard work, a man retired with $5,000,000.00 which he had gained through courage, diligence, initiative, skill, devotion to duty, thrift, efficiency, shrewd investment. And the death of an uncle who left him $4,999,999.50.

[Tanawan]

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

[cards2015]

Teacher: Jayden whats the capital of Africa??
Jayden: I dont know Mam
Teacher: then you must know what you study
Jayden: Mam can I have a question??
Teacher: yes you may what is it?
Jayden: Do you know Jane??
Teacher: No, I dont know her.
Jayden: then you must know what your husband doing


Burn!!!

Derp!

[Tanawan]

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

[Sureshvyas]

I know 10 facts about you:

Fact 1: You are reading this.
Fact 2: You can't say the letter 'm' without touching your lips.
Fact 3: You just tried it.
Fact 4: You're smiling.
Fact 6: You're smiling or laughing again.
Fact 7: You didn't notice I missed fact 5.
Fact 8: You just checked it.
Fact9: You're smiling again.
Fact 10: You like this and you're going to add a rep.

[cards2015]

Teacher: Juan!!!! you have to bring your parents here tommorow understand?!!
Juan: Mam?? im quite confusing right now....
Teacher: Why??
Juan: Because you said I will bring my parents tommorow right?? and how can be fit on my bag??

[Tanawan]

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

[vathsala]

Why the Teddy bears never feel hungry?
Because they are always stuffed!.

[fab]

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver – I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

[Gayathri Ganesan]

Two friends were talking about how smart they acted in times of emergency.
One said, " I was chased by an elephant when I was driving in my two wheeler. I tactfully diverted the elephant when it came close on me". The other asked,"How"?. The first one replied that he had switched on the right indicator but turned to the left by which the elephant got fooled and turned to the right leaving him alone(???)

[Tanawan]

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

[iamshane487]

wow there are numerous jokes I've seen at the 1st page of this post. I tried to laugh but I can't when I read the other written jokes. I could hardly understand some of them. lol

[fab]

Lawyer was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense. "You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?" The client replied that he did. The lawyer then asked, "Do you know what will happen if you don't tell the truth?" The client looked back and said, "I imagine that our side will win."

[fab]

Three guys were sitting in a biker bar. A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table. He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the face and said, "I went by your grandma's house and I saw her in the hallway, buck naked. Man, she is fine!" The biker looked at him and didn't say a word. His buddies were confused,because he was a bad ass, and would fight at he drop of a hat. The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!" The biker still said nothing. His buddies were starting to get mad. The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I'll tell you something else boy, your grandma liked it!" The biker stood up, took the drunk by the shoulder and said, "Damn it, Grandpa, you're drunk! Go home!"

[fab]

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."