[Tanawan]

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

[vathsala]

My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
So I asked him "What was the name of his other leg?"

[oldfriend]

A wife last as long as a marriage.

An ex-wife last forever.

[fab]

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son... "Go get your Mother."

[oldfriend]

The Doctor tells the patient, "I have good news and bad news."

The patient asks for the bad news 1st.

The Doctor says "We cut off the wrong leg."

The patient is furious but finally asks, "What is the good news."

The Doctor replies, "We can save the other leg."

Oldfriend

[swalia]

‎Twitter‬ made you a comedian
‪‎Instagram‬ made you a photographer
‪‎Soundcloud‬ made you a singer
Because ‪‎LinkedIn‬ didn't get you that job.

[vathsala]

A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."

The friend says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"

The first guy says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them."

[swalia]

‎Kindle‬ - for the love of reading
‪‎Kundli(horoscope)‬ - for the reading of love

[vathsala]

customer: Waiter ,,,,,,,,,, There is a fly in my soup

Waiter : Don't worry Sir, it's probably dead by now

[swalia]

I asked a girl if she would like to have dinner tonight.
She said she likes to have dinner every night and walked away.

[vathsala]

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

[bossthecall]

People just lie that chuck norris is that tough! if chuck norris is really tough then why cant he bash my head on keybA]qfnnq[J[]iwfqoih]OSNBOVOWQFFKA[Fopjas

[KittenErnst]

Saw this one online!

Q: Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
A: Because there were so many knights!

[swalia]

There is a good news and bad news for ‪#‎Delhi‬ people
‪#‎GoodNews‬ : From now on if relatives are visiting you, they will leave the same day.
‪#‎BadNews‬ : If they are not leaving the same day, they will stay back for 2 more days ‪#‎OddEvenFormula

[chikitta]

Be careful the way you use your towel Use it well today for you may need to use it on your face tomorrow

[makarios]

why do dog bark
because if it meawwed
it'll be a cat.

[swalia]

Wife‬ : Do you really love me?
‪‎Me‬ : (Gifts her a 'Prestige pressure cooker')

[vathsala]

A tiger killed a sardarji in Zoo.
A man asked why did u only killed sardarji in crowd?
Tiger: what else i can do since a long time he kept on shouting
what a big cat what a big cat ,,,,,,,,,

[faizanferoz94]

I'm from Hollywood.
All I see is grown men wearing skinny jeans.
And I try to fit into the crowd, but I don't fit into the jeans.

[swalia]

When Sunny Deol travels by air, he has to pay 5 KG extra baggage fees for both his hands.