[chikitta]

Teacher; John what would you like to be when you grow up"
John; i would like to be a billionaire when i grow up
Teacher; Mary what would you like to be when you grow up
Mary; to be John's wife!
Hahahahaha.

[Ram2016]

Doctor advised the eye-patient to bathe his eyes every morning in brandy. After a few days the patient came back to the doctor.
Doctor: “How do you feel now? Have you followed my advice?”
Patient: “I tried to do it doctor, but every time I could not raise my glass higher than my mouth!”

[swalia]

Most men are wonderful husbands to other men's wives!

[vathsala]

SANTA went to court

JUDGE:
"Order ! Order !"

SANTA:
"1 Pizza, 2 Dosa, 3 Idli & 1 Cold-drink !"

JUDGE:
"Shut Up !"

SANTA:"No,No..7-Up!

[swalia]

Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? There was no chemistry.

[swalia]

Mother, “How was school today, Patrick?”

Patrick, “It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!”

Mother, “Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?”

Patrick, “What school?”

--- 24 May 2016, 08:01 ---

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

[vathsala]

practical:
Examiner: Tell me the name of this bird by seeing its legs only?
Sardar: I don’t know.
Examiner: You are failed, what’s your name?
Sardar: See my legs & tell my name

[haripriyavkl]

Jerry: “I’ve eaten beef all my life and now I’m as strong as a bull.”

Paul: “That is queer. I’ve eaten fish all my life and yet I can’t swim a stroke.”

[Jantyj]

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I'm looking for a bar with mirrors.

[bestwriter]

The mother tells her 5 year old not to suck her thumb as this will give her a big stomach.
Just then her pregnant aunt arrives
The 5 year old looks at her stomach and says 'I know what you have been up to?

[swalia]

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

[bestwriter]

The psychiatrist was out of town and had asked his secretary to prepare a board to be hung outside his door. She typeS what needed to be there on the board. the board was ready as per what the typist had given. The is how the board looked

Dr, stephen
THE RAPIST

[bestwriter]

Frame a sentence using the words MUCH and MANY. The most correct sentence according to some:

Women love too MUCH
Men love too MANY

[swalia]

Husband brings the child home from kindergarten and asks his wife, "He’s been crying the whole way home. Isn’t he sick or something?" "No," replies the wife, "he was just trying to tell you he isn’t our Frankie."

A boy breaks on old vase at a rich uncle‘s house. The uncle gets extremely angry and yells: “Do you even know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century!” The boy sagged in relief: “Oh, good that it wasn’t new.”

[icvecchi]

Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine."

[SuncicaZ]

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Abby birthday to you!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha, I can't stop laughing. Thank you!

--- 14 Aug 2017, 21:55 ---

Brag about parents
An Army brat was boasting about his father to a Navy brat.

"My dad is an engineer. He can do everything. Do you know the Alps?"

"Yes," said the Navy brat.

"My dad has built them."

Then the naval kid spoke: "And do you know the Dead Sea?"

"Yes."

"It's my dad who's killed it!"

This one is great too! haaahaha

[bush]

As the saying, goes smile and laughter are the best medicine. Smile a bit before sunset you will add up the years to live on this earth.

[ladyninja]

Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine."

[bestwriter]

Tom: My great great grand father invented cable connections
Jerry: How did you know?
Tom:" We found cables when we dug our property
Jerry: My great great grandfather invented wireless connections
Tom: How did you know?
Jerry: When we dug our property there were no cables

[ninjasmile]

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"